I Can Be Better!

Have you ever told yourself, "I can be better" and then realized you're not sure where to go from that epiphany? I have. A lot! My problem is not identifying ways I can be better (there is a plethora!). My problem is narrowing the seemingly endless list of flaws and shortcomings to one specific trait or quality (or whatever). For the past several months I have found myself at this point: knowing I can be better but not sure exactly what I should do. I believe you become your best self when you are close to Christ, so I have decided to be more involved in church. (I know some of you are wondering if that's even possible. Trust me, it is.) I decided to no longer be as passive a church-goer as I have been and am now actually reading the material we will be covering in church. This immerses me more and more in the words of the scriptures and the prophets which, in turn, brings me closer to Christ.

While this is a good way for me personally to become a better person, it is certainly not the only way. My friend let me borrow Christmas Jars by Jason F. Wright, a wonderful story about a family's willingness to give and the ripple effect it has through their community and beyond. Definitely worth your time. This family's way of becoming better was so simple: every day the family would drop their spare change into a jar and, at the end of a year, they donated it. Look around your house, in your car, your purse, your clothes dryer. I am sure you will find long forgotten (and, sometimes, despised) spare change. Gather it up, put it in a jar, and give it to someone. But give it without fanfare.

If money is not something you are able to part with, try paying it forward or doing a random act of kindness. I have found the more I do for others, the happier I become. Your random act of kindness doesn't have to be huge or monumental. Open a door. Smile at someone. Listen. Do the dishes. Hug your children. Let someone merge on the freeway. Be nice! I am convinced if everyone in the community, city, region, state, country, world (pick your geographic preference) did one nice thing for someone else (perhaps even a stranger) every day, there would be less violence, less misery, and more happiness and kindness. And maybe even a little more allowance for one another's flaws and imperfections.

Looking for a way you can be better? Wondering where to start or what to do? Start here. It is amazing how one nice thing for someone else once a day not only affects them, but how it can affect you too. Sometimes it is almost indescribable. It does not matter what you do or if anyone notices. We may never know the effect our kindness has on others or how far it will reach. The only thing we know is how it makes us feel inside. And that is a feeling I never want to forget. What have you got to lose?

Habits

I'm weird. (Shocked? I didn't think so...) How am I weird this time, you ask? My reading habits. I often hear people comment on how they love cold, rainy days because they're perfect for curling up on the couch in their favorite blanket to read a wonderful book. While that sounds very nice and like it could be in a movie, that's not how I roll. I love reading when it's nice out. I love to lay on my couch without shoes or socks on, have the blinds up and the windows open, feel the slight breeze that comes through the windows, and hear the birds chirping outside. On particularly nice days, I'll grab a pair of sunglasses (the sun on the white pages of a book irritates my eyes...), sit on one of our chairs on the deck or the front porch and enjoy a book while enjoying the wonderful, warm, outside air. Why do I tell you this? The last couple of weeks have been full of perfect reading days.

I just finished reading The Power of Habit: Why we do what we do in life and business by Charles Duhigg. Loved it! The author points out that just about everything we do is a habit. When you get dressed, which shoe do you put on first? At some point in your life, it became habit to put on the right shoe first (or left). Three things I learned from this book that I will share with you: the habit loop, craving, and keystone habits. (This stuff is life-changing, trust me.) The habit loop consists of three parts: cue, routine, and reward. The cue is what initiates the habit to start, for instance the alarm clock. The routine is the actual habit itself: rolling out of bed, taking a shower, getting dressed, eating breakfast. The reward is, well, the reward. Perhaps your reward for waking up in the morning is watching your favorite television show before leaving for work. The important thing about the reward is how much you crave it. It's not just enough to know you get to watch television before work. The show you choose to watch has to become something you crave, something your mind thinks about as soon as the alarm clock goes off (whether you know it or not). Thus the importance of the craving. If you don't want it bad enough, you won't be motivated to start the routine once the cue occurs. Finally, keystone habits. These are the habits that have a trickle down effect, direct and indirect. For example, the habit of working out every day. You would enjoy the benefits of health, strength, and endurance. Those are expected and desired. However, there are other benefits one would not link directly to the habit of exercising daily. One of these indirect benefits could be a more productive workday. Here, we start seeing the trickle down effect. A more productive workday can lead to a better day at work which can lead to a better day at home which can lead to a happier spouse and kids which can lead to your kids having better grades in school which can lead to your kids getting into a prestigious university which can lead to your kids becoming the researchers who find a cure to cancer. (Sounds like one of those commercials about the effects of having cable...)

The point is, with this knowledge you can modify your habits. If there is a habit you're not particularly fond of, identify the cue, routine, and reward. Then find the craving that motivates the routine and find another equally effective way to satisfy the craving. Also, take a good, hard look at your habits and see what kind of trickle down effect they may be having. You might find one of your seemingly harmless habits has a negative effect somewhere down the chain.

Now comes the question: what have you got to lose? Are you willing to take the challenge and change your life? It's definitely easier said than done, but this information, if used, is absolutely life-changing.

Ambition, Opportunity, and Working Clothes

Our family recently started taking the newspaper again, which I was thrilled about. I've missed the comics section. I'm going to be totally honest and tell you that's pretty much the only thing I read in the paper. Don't judge. Located close to my beloved comics are the daily horoscopes (another favorite...). The other day, my horoscope read as follows: "You are only ambitious to a degree. You know when you are content, and you stop there. That's a gift. So many people suffer because they can't recognize when enough is enough." Part of me is... Offended really isn't quite the word I'm looking for. Put off, I think would more accurately describe my feelings. I was a little put off about what I read. Ambitious to a degree? No, no. I'm young, educated, motivated. I mean, I'm helping my brother with his business and looking at different ways I can help bring more money in for other small businesses. I'm an entrepreneur! I have ambition! But then I thought about it. I am educated, but only to a point. I could go back to school for another bachelor's degree or even a master's degree. But I don't. I'm satisfied with my level of formal education right now. Is this a gift? I'm certainly glad I don't push myself to the point of total exhaustion physically, mentally, and emotionally. However, I wonder if I get stuck in my contentedness (is that even a word?). Can I switch my ambition on and off? Am I able to say "Ok, I'm happy here with what I have" and have my ambition turn off until such time as I decide "You know, I'm not as happy as I used to be. It's time to change something"?

I do see merit in my horoscope in one facet of my life, however. Eating. Yes, eating. I can be quite ambitious as I fill my plate. As the meal draws on I can sense when I'm content with what I've eaten and I can stop, even if food is still on my plate. That is a gift. Not everyone has it and often people suffer with gastronomic pains because they can't tell when enough is enough. So I guess being ambitious to a degree really isn't so bad all the time.

Another gem I came across in the newspaper (yes, this was close to the comics too...) stated, "A problem is opportunity in working clothes." Love this! So many times I see a problem and interpret it as a roadblock. My life would be so much more fulfilling if I changed my thought process for interpreting problems and roadblocks and instead viewed them as opportunity. The hard part about that is the working clothes. It is much easier to just sit and either wait for the problem to go away on its own or wait for someone else to take care of it. Work is hard! But I know I feel so much more accomplished, confident, and proud of myself when I put the work in to complete a task. I feel so much better about myself and about life when I am able to face a problem head-on and overcome it. There are a lot of books that talk about opportunities lost and opportunities taken. Two of my favorites are The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho and The Richest Man in Babylon by George S. Clason. If you haven't read these books, I encourage you to do so. They contain wonderful lessons for everyone no matter where you are in your life journey.

So, brush yourself off, find your ambition, face your problems, and work hard to turn them into once-in-a-lifetime opportunities! What have you got to lose?